The Words I Tell Myself
I am you. I am not trying to convince you of this - I already know it to be true. I am the one that needs the reminder. I sometimes feel all alone in this work and journey - military life has a weird way of making you feel this way…but so do a lot of walks in life. I have to remind myself that I am with you and not alone in this, and that’s the superpower this platform has above other policy platforms. But sometimes I would prefer to write this blog from a position of exception to the rule, rather than as part of the masses. It would be so much more comfortable to write about policy without ever being its collateral punching bag…and my gosh I love comfort.
But to be the exception would be to allow the conversation of policy to continue to exist only in spheres where the brainiest and the most privileged have access to directing the conversation. If I didn’t feel it, I would be the “them” making decisions with no skin in the game. I want to be the anti-thesis to that. I want the conversation held at the lowest level. I want the same people who shoulder to the burden to participate in making decisions about their lives. I want us to have access.
But the caveat to having these conversations at the lowest level, is that the lowest level is where all the feelings around issues exist. It’s where policy gets a name, it gets a pulse, and it takes on shape, carved out by feelings and personal narratives.
It’s a powerful thing really…but it also sucks from time to time. Like…really sucks.
I know, because I dipped out to the forrest last week to deal with my feelings.
The cliff notes version is that I was all sorts of pissed off at the short notice extension of my husband and my’s second separation of this year, and I was in no place to act like the leader I want to be. Oh yeah, by the way, he’s deployed. Again. I can say that now because it’s public information. Ultimately, last week was one of those weeks that could have been (and often is) quickly summed up as, “well, that’s army life.” This language happens both inside the military, and from outside onlooking beneficiaries, and my god, it’s exhausting. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that in the last seven years, and I am so sick and tired of dismissive language allowing subpar solutions to be the acceptable standard for things that have a measurable effect on real people’s lives…and I was ALL in my feels about it.
That last sentence is basically the sum of my mission statement, so trust me when I tell you, whatever has you soapboxing, I FEEL YOU.
I needed a second to gather my thoughts so I didn’t turn this platform into one big soapbox for my tirade. I love my soapboxes but it wasn’t the time. It would have been an angry verbose speech about policy, to be sure, but it wouldn’t have done anything good for you, or me, or this platform. You’ll hear about it one day, to be sure…once I can process the feels and tell you the story like a leader. Since I can’t do that yet, and am still in a state of abundant profanity, I took a beat, packed up the dogs, and headed for the forest.
That’s why this week, the blog got a more personal piece, rather than originally scheduled content.
The truth is, when I write blogs, I am seldom writing to you. A lot of the time, I am writing to me. You’re mostly getting a sideline view to my internal dialogue. I am telling myself the stories I need to hear when the world feels fucked up. I am explaining the situations to myself that often don’t feel like they make sense. Hell, I am even sometimes talking myself off my own cliff, or talking myself into bravery. I am writing a letter to me because I am a woman who needs words, and a woman who deserves words, and when I can’t find them I try to create them.
And I am doing it openly, because maybe a little bit of my self talk speaks to you too.
And maybe that alone is the key to change.
Xo,
Taylor
P.s - If you dig my self talk and think someone else should get a front row seat to my inner-workings, please forward this email onto someone who digs soapbox rants and is down with the occasional F-Bomb. Or you know, click the button.
THE BLOG: Next week you are going to get to hear a story about a time I rode in an Uber with a Syrian refugee. It’s all about how he carried his daughter on foot across a mountain range, and across the sea to find safety. It was such a powerful story that I was up half the night retyping the story when I should have been sleeping while on a girls trip to Portugal. It’s finally hitting the blog. Ayman’s story kicks us off into the last mini-series of the year. It’ll be a series of three stories, all which tell you a different version of why policy is important. It’s the end of this year’s chapter to the blog, as we gear up for more critical work on the blog and podcast in 2022. I’m ending this year on stories, because if policy is not people in the most intimate and authentic way, then we are severely missing the bar to what is a much greater calling.
THE PODCAST: If you haven’t already checked out the podcast, you’re going to want to do that. I’m on all the major platforms that make noise. Next on the queue is a podcast about what exactly policy is - if you’re still reading in the blog and nodding politely but have no idea what I am actually talking about, it’s okay. This upcoming podcast is for you.
Well, this one you didn’t miss because this email is the first announcement. It’ll hit the social media circuit tomorrow. BUT, if you haven’t checked out The Inspired Women’s Podcast, it’s definitely a podcast to check out - Megan invited me to guest and it went live Monday, so that’s super cool!
If you missed this week’s blog (referenced in the letter above), you’ll want to check it out. It’s a little more intimate look at how I have been coping with life this season + it’s got a bunch of dreamy forest pictures and cows. I talk about female solo travel and talking to God and it’s all the messy goodness of a personal piece.
Blog & Podcast: https://www.policyoutloud.com
FB / IG / TWITTER / PINTEREST: @policyoutloud
See you soon! Thanks in advance for leaving positive ratings and reviews on the podcast channels if you love the content - it helps me grow because, well, algorithms…
Your Partner in Policy,